Power of Music Mondays: “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”

Power of Music Mondays

by Allison W. Gryphon

“You know I dream in color, And do the things I want.”

The rest of your life doesn’t stop with cancer, it just gets bigger. What’s important. Who you love. What you want. It’s all magnified.  And when you get that diagnosis you want to fight for it, for every single minute of it. Every moment is a treasure.

I know it wasn’t what Miss Clarkson was going for, but she certainly hit the nail on the head with this one and gave all of us fighting cancer an anthem.

If I’m having a moment, I put this on and that’s it. I’m ready to take on the world.

And Kelly’s powerful music just keeps spreading, inspiring and empowering.

The video below made by the Seattle Children’s Hospital demonstrates what I’m talking about like nothing else.

"What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)"

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in color
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you've had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
They told you I was moving on over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You try to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not the broken-hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking about me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

[2x]
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

(When I'm alone)

ClickHere to purchase “Stronger” from iTunes.

ClickHere to visit Kelly Clarkson’s official website.

About Power of Music Mondays

I received many gifts while I was going through my cancer fight. They were all amazing and helpful. What stands out to me more than anything is music. The songs and playlists I was sent became a huge part of my treatment. It’s the one thing you can always have close by. It can turn you around and slip itself around your soul to make everything ok, if even just for a moment. Looking back, I'm not sure how I would have done without it. ~Allison 

The Power of Music is extraordinary. The right song can inspire, empower, comfort and redirect anyone. Cancer fighters and their families are no exception. 

Every Monday, The Why?Foundation will celebrate a song and an artist that has given us a musical gift.

If you have a song that has helped you or someone you know fight the fight, we want to hear about it. Please send an email to info@thewhyfoundation.org with your story and your song.

YUKO: MOUTH CANCER SURVIVOR, PAINTER, YOGI

TOUCHSTONE THURSDAY

from Urban Yogis and The Chopra Well

Yuko's Story: Cancer Recovery and Yoga

This is a wonderful and inspiring piece on being faced with mouth cancer and how one woman used the power of painting and yoga to fight her way through it.

Thursday – Touchstone Thursday

Personal stories hold us together. Personal expression gets us through it. From articles to interviews, to short stories, short films, paintings, photographs and beyond, every Thursday, The Why? Foundation will feature a piece from someone who’s been there…or who is there. Cancer fighters, survivors, caretakers, friends, family, co-workers, volunteers, medical professionals and advocates will share with the intent of education, enlightenment and comfort.

If you or someone you know would like to contribute to Touchstone Thursday, please contact us at info@thewhyfoundation.org.

www.thewhyfoundation.org

WHAT DOES CHEMOTHERAPY LOOK LIKE?

CANCER ANSWER TUESDAYS

from Allison W. Gryphon, Stage 3a Breast Cancer Survivor

photographs by Mary Elizabeth Gentle

“I didn’t know chemo came in a bag.” my dear friend Scott said to me a bit amazed. Yes. Chemo comes in a bag. I didn’t know either until I was looking at the bag with my name on it. Chemo also comes in pill form. There are over 70 types of chemotherapy drugs. My chemo therapy came in the form of a drip and was administered in my medical oncologist's office once every three weeks. Each appointment was around 7 hours give or take. I had a total of six chemotherapy sessions over a period of 4 ½ months.

 

I received my chemotherapy treatment at the same time as five other people. We all shared the same big room with a very attentive staff and were given a bit of privacy with the movable walls you see here.

As simple as it seems, this little monitor keeps tabs on the administration of the chemotherapy. The monitor and the chemo, for me, were all on one rolling stand so I could move around throughout the day if I wanted to.

Each chemotherapy station in my oncologist's office had a television and a piece of artwork that I could escape into on the wall. One of the most wonderful things provided was a movie, library so that anyone who wanted to pass the time and lose themselves in a movie could. One of the things I’ve been doing since my chemo experience is collecting new and used DVDs, CDs and VHS tapes that people are getting rid of and donating them to my oncologist's office. It's one of those little things anyone can do that helps a lot.

Needle in. Chemo on. First the oncology nurse would find a good vein in my arm. She would then thread the needle, meaning that she would get the tubing in and then take the needle out. One thing I was afraid of was sitting with a needle in my hand. I think it’s good for people to know that is not how it works. I had no idea. Once the plastic tube is in to administer the chemo, the needle is removed. This process was not the most pleasant in the world for me. I made a habit of turning my head away and talking to someone or putting on music and closing my eyes while the nurse prepped my arm for chemo.

For me, once the chemo began it was a fairly simple process. I never felt bad the day of treatment. It was always a few days later when I started feeling the effects of the drugs.

 

The day before, on and after chemo, I took a steroid to help diminish some of the side effects. The side effect of the steroid was weight gain and the puffy face you see here. That surprised me having been raised in a society that primarily shows chemotherapy associated with weight loss. It was not something that I was prepared for.

Watching the drip. It’s weird. Surreal. Sometimes scary. The thing about chemo was it provided a lot of time to think. It was hours of contemplation every three weeks. I did my best to keep it “me” time and really embrace that I had an entire day with my feet up to write, read, watch movies and TV and learn more about my treatment from my wonderful doctors and nurses.

Each chemotherapy station in my oncologist's office had a comfortable chair with a foot rest and many settings which allowed me to be as comfortable as possible during the process.

As a writer, the process of writing is my outlet. I learned from many of the other people I was in treatment with that even people who don’t normally write do so as an outlet. My hospital even offered free writing therapy classes as an emotional support for anyone fighting cancer.

Pillows. I felt strange with the chemo running through my body. It’s a tough one to describe, but I will say I found pillows to be a wonderful tool for feeling more comfortable and relaxed. I often had one in my lap to rest my arms and under my knees to ease the stress I was feeling on my back.


For more on chemotherapy, please visit Cancer Answers at www.thewhyfoundation.org


Cancer Answer Tuesdays 

What can I do about metal mouth? What is a good gift for a cancer fighter? How do they do radiation tattoos? How can I prepare surgery? What should I say to someone I work with who was just diagnosed? How am I going to get through today?

Every Tuesday, The Why? Foundation will present a small, but big cancer question and answer about fighting cancer day-to-day, hour-to-hour, minute-to-minute.

If you have a question or helpful tip, we want to hear about it. Please email us at info@thewhyfoundation.org.

Power of Music Mondays: “Beautiful”

Power of Music Mondays
by Allison W. Gryphon

“Don’t you bring me down today.”

I remember the first time I heard this song after it all started happening. I was in the car. One natural breast. One carved up from a mastectomy awaiting reconstruction. No hair. A swollen arm in a lymphedema sleeve and glove. Fading energy. Loads of determination. Loads of frustration. And looking for whatever my shot of, “keep going” was going to be for the day.

My iPod was on shuffle. I wasn’t expecting it. That first whisper of, “Don’t look at me” sent a shiver down my spine. In an instant, the music owned me. Tears poured down my face. Not for the fear, but for the release. For being understood. Even though I was all by myself, I wasn’t. The song played and my rage poured out, transforming into a brilliant beauty. It was a reminder that I could do this. That I would do this. That my spirit was not only beautiful, but powerful and cancer didn’t get to take that away from me.

I turned the song up as loud as it would go, played it over and over again on my whole drive into work, and sang along at the top of my lungs… and as it turned out, it was a pretty great day.



Click Here to purchase “Beautiful” from the album Stripped.
Click Here to visit Christina Aguilera’s official website.

"Beautiful"

Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down... Oh no
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The pieces gone, left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down

You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

And everywhere we go
(and everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always shine)
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side

We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today

Oh, yeah, don't you bring me down today, yeah
Don't you bring me down ooh... today

About Power of Music Mondays

I received many gifts while I was going through my cancer fight. They were all amazing and helpful. What stands out to me more than anything is music. The songs and playlists I was sent became a huge part of my treatment. It’s the one
thing you can always have close by. It can turn you around and slip itself around your soul to make everything ok, if even just for a moment. Looking back, I'm not sure how I would have done without my music. ~Allison

The Power of Music is extraordinary. The right song can inspire, empower, comfort and redirect anyone. Cancer fighters and their families are no exception.

Every Monday, The Why? Foundation will celebrate a song and an artist that has given us a musical gift.

If you have a song that has helped you or someone you know fight the fight, we want to hear about it. Please send an email to info@thewhyfoundation.org with your story and your song.

Eating & Cancer: 8 Food Questions with Survivor, Allison W. Gryphon

by Jessie Losch

Because of the overwhelmingly positive response to our last post on this topic, Allison W. Gryphon is back, and this time she's tackling food, nutrition, and how to eat for healing. Once a month, cancer warrior advocate-turned-filmmaker, Allison W. Gryphon, will be answering your questions on how to stay healthy and happy: before, during and after treatment - and no topic is off-limits!

Click below to read the complete interview at sadierae + co.
Eating & Cancer: 8 Food Questions with Survivor, Allison W. Gryphon

A PRICELESS CUT by Annie DeYoung

THE WHY? FOUNDATION – TOUCHSTONE THURSDAY

What is it about hair – growing it, curling it, coloring it, cutting it – just having it?  Why is it so important?  Why is losing it so painful?  

I’ve been a hairdresser for almost 25 years, the last decade or so just for friends and family.  I give them what I like to call the “priceless cut,” the one no one can afford because I only give it away to my nearest and dearest. 

I’m a screenwriter now, mostly of light teen comedies set in worlds where crushes and breakups and the machinations of mean girls are the worst that happens.  In my movies, no one loses their hair.  And no one has cancer.  In my real life, cancer happens, with all of its attendant losses:  breasts, bone, energy, hope – and hair.  Every person I’ve ever known who receives a diagnosis of cancer immediately dreads losing his or her hair. 

Fracking chemo.  It kills fast-growing cells – like cancer – but also mows down other fast-growing cells in its path, the things we’d like to keep, the things we think make us beautiful – things like hair, nails, eyebrows and lashes.

I had met Allison once or twice before her cancer diagnosis.  She knew just how to wear her fine, soft blonde hair.  She struck me as confident, smart, stylish, creative, and very, very pretty, like a lot of girls I knew who worked in Hollywood. Then came cancer and surgery and I found myself bringing her organic raspberries in the hospital.  She still looked beautiful.


Allison & Annie

July 1, 2011

I can’t remember exactly when she asked me to cut off her hair, but I took it as a sign that although we didn’t know each other well, we were now friends. She asked my opinion: how will she know when it’s time? I told her that when she sees more hair on her pillow in the morning than the night before, it would be time.

A week later, we set a date. I was busy that day, writing a script, on a deadline, as usual. I did what I often do in these circumstances: I made what was about to happen unimportant. I didn’t shower, didn’t do my hair. I threw it up in the messy ponytail I often wear when writing. If I’m honest, I didn’t want to look pretty when Allison arrived. Looking at video of that day, I think I overdid it.

When Allison arrived on her lunch hour from work, she came with an entourage. She was dressed beautifully and her makeup looked amazing. She had an entire camera crew with her. They set up their tripods and mics and cameras in my living room. I picked up my clippers and explained to Allison what I was planning to do and why. I remember it was a hot day and the A/C couldn’t keep up with the heat. I was sweating. She was scared and brave and determined. I suddenly let myself feel the weight of what I was about to do: make Allison look like a cancer patient.

My hand shook. At some point, while running the clippers along the left side of her head, I didn’t notice that the clipper guard had popped off of the blade, and I shaved her hair closer than I had planned. I had to recut everything that length, barely above her scalp. I hated that moment because even though I was doing something simple, something that required little real skill or artistry, I desperately wanted it to be perfect.



Annie & Allison
July 1, 2011

This was big and important. I was changing the way the World would see this person. When I finished and shut off my clippers, Allison’s cancer would not be just a private conversation anymore. The haircut would make it public. It wouldn’t be something invisible, inside of her, or what used to be where the scar is now. It would be in the mirror everyday.

I remember handing Allison that mirror. I think I told her “You’re lucky. You have a beautifully shaped cranium.” In truth, she looked gorgeous – quite honestly more beautiful than before. Suddenly, she was all eyes and lips and cheekbones.

Was it a great haircut? Yes. Priceless.

Allison on the Set of What the F@#- Is Cancer and Why Does Everybody Have It?

December 2012

Allison, with no evidence of disease in her body,

having fun at a party

February 24, 2013

BALLOON KISSES TO HEAVEN: ONE FAMILY’S BATTLE WITH BRAIN CANCER

THE WHY? FOUNDATION - TOUCHSTONE THURSDAY

by Alia Tarraf

Jason and Sienna in the Stride to Save Lives walk for brain tumor research, 2006

Debra and Jason were a vibrant young couple who met their sophomore year of college in 1995. They lived in the same dorm. They spent their weekends hanging out with friends, going to dinners, movies, bars and outdoor festivals. Their favorite songs were "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson and “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John. A few years later, they were married and decided to start a family. Debra and Jason were the all American love story.

In January of 2006, Debra was holding their five day old first born daughter when Jason went into a seizure. Scared and unsure of what was happening, Debra waited for the paramedics to arrive. It was three hours in the ER before they knew what was wrong. Jason had Astrocytoma, cancer of the brain. He was 30.

It seemed impossible. He was strong, athletic and healthy. Debra and Jason decided to fight. He did radiation and went into remission. But two years later, Jason was diagnosed with Glioblastoma. He had oral chemo and gamma knife radiation.

Three months later, it spread to his spine. Again, Jason had chemo, gamma knife radiation.

He underwent every treatment prescribed to him and then just a few months after the birth of his second daughter, Jason lost his battle with cancer on Feb. 21st 2009.

Debra was devastated, but she knew she couldn’t just give up. She had two beautiful young children she had to take care of.

So Debra picked herself off the floor and kept going.

HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO AFTER THE DIAGNOSIS?

We didn't. We followed the ER doctor's advice and waited to talk to the surgeon the next day. Our insurance wouldn't cover the hospital we were at so we came home the following day, made lots of phone calls to meet different doctors and stressed over an insurance referral. It was awful. We were able to switch insurance plans and get a referral to a specialized institution.

HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO SWITCH YOUR INSURANCE PLAN AFTER HIS SEIZURE?

We had an HMO at the time which needed a referral to go to a specialized institution. We were able to finally get approval but changed to a PPO as soon as he could switch his plan.

HOW DID YOUR WORLD CHANGE WITH YOUR HUSBAND’S DIAGNOSIS?

Life became about spending days together. Jason went on disability leave right away and I took an extended maternity leave. We had lots of friends come and babysit so the two of us could spend time together. He was home with us until he had to go into the hospital for care and then later to a nursing home where he passed.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST PART OF WATCHING YOUR HUSBAND FIGHT CANCER?

Watching him become someone he was not. He slept all the time…wouldn't eat. Watching him slip away into a different person and wonder why he was given this part of life.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT?

I went to every appointment and treatment with him that I could. I traveled to get other opinions. I let him sleep. I bought him McDonalds McGriddles and froze them since it was the only thing he would eat.

HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH THE DAY-TO-DAY?

I have no idea. I have a lot of amazing friends that helped us. My girls helped. I'm not sure I would still be alive today without them. I thank God everyday for them.

HOW DID JASON’S CANCER FIGHT HIT YOU EMOTIONALLY?

Both my girls were really little when he was sick. I would sit in the rocker, rock them to sleep and cry. I would lay on the floor in their room and cry while he was upstairs sick. My heart was breaking to see the strongest person I knew emotionally and physically dying. I felt lost losing my best friend and not having someone there that understood what this was like for us.

WHAT DID YOU TAKE AWAY FROM THE EXPEREINCE?

Small problems just don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. There are so many bigger things to worry about. Also, tell people you love them as much as you can. I have no regrets with Jason knowing that and I am so thankful for that being the last thing I said to him.

WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CO-WORKERS OF CANCER FIGHTERS?

Ask for help. Seek out other opinions. Spend as much time as you can with the person fighting but also find time for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it.

WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR THE MEDICAL PROFESSION?

Spend money on research. Spend money on making cancer fighters more comfortable with treatment. Help them have many options in treatment.

WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR OTHER CARETAKERS?

Have faith. Spend time with loved ones. Take lots of pictures and videos. Be positive but also realistic. Ask a ton of questions to your medical team and know your options. Prepare yourself and your family for the worst. Help them feel ready in case they need to make medical decisions for you and how to care for themselves if you die.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FUTURE?

Scared. For my girls that have to go on without truly knowing their dad. And scared that someday I might lose someone else close to me to this disease and knowing I will have to face it again.

HOW ARE YOU DOING NOW?

I am doing pretty good now. Good days and bad. I met someone in July 2011 that has been very supportive of my life. I miss Jason every day. He can never be replaced but I know he would want me to be happy and the girls to have a father figure around them.

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL CLOSE TO HIM?
I made a CD of some of his favorite songs and I listen to it a lot in the car. I wear a pair of his socks or one of his T-shirts on a day that I'm really missing him. There are days that I swear he is sitting next to me in my car. Sometimes I'll just hold out my hand that he used to hold while I drove and talk to him.

WHAT IS A FUN THING YOU DO WITH YOUR GIRLS TO CELEBRATE THEIR DADDY?
Jason used to call the girls “Little Buggie” and “Baby Buggie”. Those are the names I call them now and they know it’s because their dad called them that. They love it. Every Father's Day and Jason's birthday, we go to McDonalds, his favorite, for breakfast and buy him a balloon to kiss and send up to heaven.

FOR YOU IN ONE WORD WHAT IS CANCER?

Shitty. If that's too harsh…I would say, “painful”.

It’s been four years since Jason passed and Debra has continued to stay strong. Their daughters, Sienna, now 7, and Sydney, now 4, are blooming. Sienna is in Daisy Scouts and loves singing, acting, putting on shows and telling stories. Sydney tap dances and is a ballerina. And they know Jason will always be their number one fan.

 www.thewhyfoundation.org